Welcome to the insanity that is my life.

The name’s Jett Turner and my early retirement to a lake on the Texas – Mexico Border was supposed to be fun and easy going. It didn’t involve me writing up the twisted exploits of the head of the Acuña Cartel, reporting such to the DEA, or watching pandas blow up, people being fed to tigers, or learning about the bodily functions of the tortured. In addition, I have to deal with a morbidly obese shut in, a woman hell bent on collecting the last of my student loans, a hairless chimp named Patty, a giant named Koko, a housekeeper set on cleansing my soul, and a sexual deviant, Larry McMurtry quoting professor. Toss in a beautiful call girl named Laredo Rose, a cheerleader of a waitress with her jaw wired shut, and a traitor of a dog that listens to everyone but me and you get an idea of what I have to deal with on a daily basis.

This first misadventure that is my life is rated R for language, crude humor, and insanely bizarre circumstances but rates an A+ for all of the aforementioned and entertainment value.